September 28, 1998
By Tim Abla
(Note: This is the only volume of The Truth ever produced. I can’t imagine why!)
This newsletter is dedicated to the tasks of informing sports fans everywhere through accurate representations of the truth, and disproving opinions through the use of facts.
News and Notes
1) This past week Peyton Manning was awarded the first annual Feisman Award by the Downtown Athletic Club of Knoxville. The award is to be presented to the University of Tennessee football player most likely to be the greatest player in the country, as perceived by the DACK members. Congratulations Peyton!
2) Reports out of Columbus on Monday were that John Cooper is going to start his third string this week in an attempt to make his moves the week of the Michigan game look less insane. According to Cooper, though, the moves “have Michigan nothing to Michigan do with the Michigan game Michigan.”
3) In his post-game press-conference Sunday, Brett Favre revealed that his first name is actually pronounced “Bert.”
4) In the locker room after this past weekend’s Michigan vs. Michigan State game, Michigan State players admitted that they weren’t focused because they were looking ahead to their annual grudge match with in-state rival Central Michigan. “We definitely had a letdown…it’s hard not to look forward to the war with the Chippewas,” who have beaten Michigan State two of the last three times the two teams have played.
5) In a big win for Chrysler this weekend, The University of Michigan athletic department revealed that it’s switching from the Ford Explorer to the Jeep Cherokee in its standard issue company vehicle. “They’re less likely to roll over when travelling at high speeds in the early morning” stated department officials.
6) Surprising news out of Atlanta — the Falcons have demoted Steve Deberg to the third string, with reports that Johnny Unitas has been working out with the team. Sources have said that Unitas has looked “somewhat quick and not a day over 58”.
7) In a passionate speech Sunday, Scott Frost, the former quarterback of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, petitioned the NFL to give the New York Jets the AFC’s Super Bowl bid now because of the teams’ “never give in attitude” and because they’re the “best 1-2 team in the AFC East, like no doubt”.
8) And finally, the Green Bay Packers have been looking at replacing Mike Holmgren with Nick Saban because “his teams are always sort of prepared and they display a toughness that can’t normally be found in teams with that little skill level.”
Game of the Week
Nebraska vs. Western Kentucky House of the Disabled Nuns
The Nebraska Cornhuskers, coached by Frank “Tom Osborne Had Nothing To Do With The Quality Of This Team” Solich, received a wake-up call this past week when the AARP Fighting Stallions nearly pulled of the upset at their gulf-side retirement home.
Predictions
Why the Spartans will beat Central Michigan Saturday:
1) Central is looking ahead to their big game with Western.
2) In every top rivalry the underdog will pull out a win once in a while.
3) ???
Why the Lions will beat the Bears Sunday:
1) Erik Kramer (now on the Bears).
2) The Lions receivers no longer need to cover the opposing teams’ defensive backs and can actually try to get open now that Charlie Batch is playing quarterback.
3) Erik Kramer.